- Danae Thyssen
- Self Portrait: "You are my Dark Clouds" I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR! I am daughter, I am mother, I am friend, I am teacher, I am student, but still I am more. I am loyal, I am kind, I am loving, I am smart, I am funny, I am wise, I am no mans fool...so beware. I am also creative, I am a visual arts student majoring in photography and passionate about anything related to the arts, whether it be performing arts, visual arts or great literaty works. I am passionate about pursuing a cultured life with youthful enthusiasm, that can be shared with good friends and family over a nice meal with a glass of wine. And of course...I like to chat, so please join me here every week to explore lifes little mysteries together.
Friday, 5 August 2011
Are There Really Any Good Men Out There?
Well….I guess it makes sense to start with an introduction. I am known to a couple of special little people as mother, I am daughter, sister and maybe...one day…hopefully once again lover and life partner. To some I am known as dear friend, to others a fellow student of the arts, but generally I am known to many as Danae. However, let me not forget that to a special few (You know who you are), I am known as little Ms Charming, the irreverent and fabulous Charlie Davenport entertainer and performer extraordinaire.
So let me preface by saying I am a women of the arts and extremely passionate about all forms thereof, including the art of expression of which we will get back too later. Originally from a performance background (both acting and singing) I have moved into the visual arts and it would seem the written word. Additionally, dare I say it…. Modelling (which is an art in itself let me tell you), but that was way back in the day… BC (before children) and is a story for another time.
So….here I sit with a glass of wine listening to the wonderful and ever so sexy Mr Michael Bubble’ whilst contemplating where to begin. Perhaps I should share with you all, how the idea for this blog evolved. For some time (years in-fact) I have wanted to right a book titled "Are There Really Any Good Men Out There – And If So, Who Is Brave Enough To Find Them". (And, Yes it is already copyrighted). So….moving on, the premise for the book is about the real life escapades of real women, one in particular….the amazing Charlie Davenport armed with nothing but her wit and charm. A can of mace and maybe a little stock whip for those moments when she needs to exert a little bit of force. Imagine….Lara Croft mixed with a decent measure of moral fortitude from a character such Polly-Anna (Think….Charlotte from Sex in the City), who cooks like Martha Stewart, Sings like Ella Fitgerald and as a definite artistic flair for getting to the nitty gritty.
Anyway, the idea was shelved for a couple of years because I actually (foolishly) thought I had found the one with whom I wanted to share my life. Slowly, slowly at first…until he pushed and insisted we become exclusive because he couldn’t bare the idea of me being with anyone else. Time passed and I found myself truly in the love haze where you lose all perspective of reality and actually believe the lines he feeds you even when you have an inkling that things don’t quite seem right. He introduced me to his parents and his children from a previous marriage of 15years. Even though he is not what you would call particularly good looking, quite average in fact, he seemed kind and thoughtful (at first) and I thought….wow…he even knows how to commit. Joyfully, he told me he felt the same, that he wanted to make plans with me to build a life together and that one-day when the timing was right we would be married. (Alarm bells should have been ringing here.) So as time passed we began to make plans to merge our lives together. He began to move his things over to my place and was almost ready to move in permanently….until sadly I discovered that he was not just whispering sweet nothings in my ear but to others also, along with so generously sharing himself in the biblical sense. What a man!
For the sake of this blog…let us call this scoundrel…Mr Magoo. Those of you who know me personally will realise just how truly funny that is, those who don’t, please google this cartoon character and prepare to laugh your arse off. Now the irony of this situation is that as previously mentioned, this man is not particularly good-looking, he is a six-foot tall balding man in his forties (although he appears to look more like a man in his fifties) with a very weathered face and big nose. Although his shoulders are reasonably broad, his chest is somewhat sunken in with a pot-belly, skinny (and I mean skinny) chicken legs that walk like Charlie Chaplin and cannot dance to save themselves (especially the shuffle which he thinks he has mastered). And you should see him run, now that is funny. I think it must have something to do with his incredibly saggy-ball-bag, I mean seriously you have never seen anything like it. Really, it’s a wonder he can walk at all with that thing banging between his knees. Now if that’s not enough to put you off, he is an absolute financial fff….failure, he has absolutely no financial security and nothing to offer.
Come on, I know what your thinking…..If this is the case, what did you see in him? Well in the beginning he was charming and witty with a great sense of humour and he made me laugh, really laugh. He seemed genuine, kind, attentive and nurturing. And so I looked past his shortcomings (of which there are many, one in particular) and embraced what I believed were the more important assets. However it seems it was all smoke and mirrors and I was actually just caught up in his web of deceit. Curiously he constantly insisted our relationship be built on absolute honesty and transparency of which I was the only one fulfilling. Tragically it has taken me two years to be aware of these facts. Many of which I am discovering post break-up.
Now don’t get me wrong I am not perfect by any means, I have my share of idiosyncrasies, as after all I am only human. However, all flaws aside, I am a darn good catch. I am an attractive, sensual well dressed woman with great hair, good skin, killer curves and even if I do have a little junk in the trunk, I am evenly proportioned. I am intelligent, cultured, educated, funny, kind, generous to a fault and more importantly I am truly a good person. Apparently, Mr Magoo aka cheating bastard, has even told the psychologist he is seeing for anger issues (more alarm bells), that I am his one true love. He further mentioned that he has never felt so much for any other woman before, that he has never enjoyed such a fulfilling and enjoyable sex life and he has never felt he could be himself with anyone else the way he can with me.
So please tell me why he would be so willing to throw all this away on a few meaningless flings. Was there ever any truth to the things we shared or was it all just a very cruel lie? Well, I cannot say for sure (although I have a pretty good idea), but I can tell you he was (and still is no doubt) pathetically insecure. He needed constant reassurance, to the point I had to regularly assure him after sex how incredible his Johnson was, how he had the perfect head / shaft ratio and of course how big it was. Now girls….I don’t have to tell you, you all know how at times we have had to embellish the truth to sooth "their" fragile egos. It’s always about them, even when it’s about us. Yes, it becomes somewhat tiresome (yawn), but something we do for the person we love. When I asked him why he did it (cheat that is), he said it was because it made him feel good to think someone other than me desired him. But I say….am I not enough? Apparently not!
In his deluded fantasy he believes he deserves to be with someone who is tall, leggy and of course modelesque (to use his words) and not over the age of 25years. Did I mention he is 43? Hmmm, I wonder if he has looked in the mirror lately? Yes….you guessed it, of course he has, he is a narccasist and is always looking at any shiny surface he can find that gives him a reflection. (Maybe that’s what gives him a false sense of reality.) Isnt there some type of mental disorder where people need to see a distorted image to feel normal? I am sure there is, please Google it and let me know. Anyway, he told me if I would lose a few kilos then I would be perfect and he would not need to stray. (Way to go with owning that behaviour.) At this point, may I mention that I am exactly the same weight now as the day we met….kilo for kilo, yet at that stage when I was the new toy all shiny bright and new, it did not seem to matter. May I further mention that I am the woman with whom when he kisses her, he has an instantaneous erection, I mean just smelling my perfume used to send him into a tailspin right up to the day we separated. Besides….he proclaimed that I was the love of his life….right? So shouldn’t it be enough that I constantly praised him, that I appreciated him, loved him and told him that he was king in-spite of all of his flaws. I certainly showed that I am not shallow, that I could look past all of his flaws, but can we say the same for the scoundrel? Am I the only one seeing something wrong with this picture?
All things considered thus far, I do not know why I am still confused or struggling with the situation, as I am not the first woman he has betrayed. During his adult life, this man has slept with well over a hundred women of which four of them were long term serious relationships. As he has fondly dubbed us, there was the J girl, the ex-wife, the B Chick and then there was me….the A chick, the Headliner, the love of his life, his beautiful baby doll as he would lovingly call me. Now you should probably know that in each and every one of these relationships he was abusive, cheated and in true serial-monogamy style (ha), he already has his next conquest lined up before he moves on to the next.
So as you would expect, in true form, he has already found the next victim and is apparently parading her around at a sporting venue where I take my son for one of his extra curricular activities. Tacky, tacky tacky! I also have it on good authority that within days of separating he was on the Oasis Internet dating site and also tried to re-connect on Facebook with the ex-girlfriend he dated before me. You will be glad to know she rejected his request. Let me mention as he was pursuing these options, he was sending me flowers, telling me he still loves me, misses me and asking if I will wait for him if there is a chance at reconciliation once he gets the appropriate therapy. All I can say is "Seriously"? Mr Magoo aka Mr Saggy-Baggy Ballbag and his ability to hop from the bed of one woman to the next in such record speed is not only concerning, but hurtful. It leaves each one of his conquests, especially his ex’s feeling somewhat obsolete, unimportant and as though none of us were ever really special or actually meant anything to him, regardless of whether we were the one to call it quits. Although I guess it really should come as no surprise, as we have already established the fact that he is a cheat and a liar.
But I shouldn’t complain, I got out of it unscathed compared to the ex-wife with whom well over 67 of his flings, were while he was married to her. This included one of her best friends on one New Years Eve while the wife was in the other room, a homosexual liaison and a prostitute with whom he slept with in their marital bed while she was out. Then during the time when he went back to study there was an affair with a Maori girl who was smart enough to flee back to NZ after 6 months, along with threesomes with fellow students when he was meant to be at study group. Oh and lets not forget the Lecturer he slept with so he could get her to write his academic papers for his other subjects.
So I got to thinking…how does he do it? How does he manage to seduce these (other) women into having affair with him, believing that investing in him is worth throwing their moral convictions to the wind for a cheap….very average thrill. Come on ladies aren’t we supposed to stick together. Are we not supposed to band together to abolish this type of appalling behaviour. But then again…Lets face it….if these men really want to cheat they will, no doubt and of course they will lie to get what they want. But what about these women that willingly allow these fiendish creatures to lead them off to the devils lair knowing that the man in question is married or seriously involved? There can be no winners here, it can never end well. And…In my opinion it is important to remember that past behaviour is a very good indicator of future behaviour.
Now, if all of that is not enough, during one of his recent angry rants with me since our break-up, he announced he was such a stud that he can have any one he wants. This was followed by a disclosure there had also been a 15year old girl that he had slept with during his marriage when he was 29 years old. He announced this proudly as though I should be impressed, rather than disgusted that he had clearly taken advantage of a young vulnerable child. Hmmm I believe that is a crime. But again he does not own it and blames the innocent, as apparently she seduced him. Now here is the clincher. When he didn’t get the reaction expected from me, he proceeded to tell me that every time we had sex for the last two years, he had fantasised he was having sex with my 15 year old daughter (who is now 17). "When I was fucking you, I was actually fucking her." – end quote. Wow…whether he was being truthful, or hurtful is irrelevant, as to even suggest such a thing makes you a freak in my book. Can you imagine, how I was sick to my stomach. So not only is this man a cheat, a liar, a philanderer, and a perpetrator, I would also say he is clearly a paedophile.
It is here, that I should probably also mention that I have spoken with the B Chick (ex before me) since my break-up with the Pratt. Only to discover that he had tried to drown her and broke her nose because she mildly acted out after discovering he had cheated on her, again. (Insert here - audible sighs and gasps of shock and horror.) There were other also other multiple situations where he physically and emotionally hurt and humiliated her to confirm he was the one in power and control. (Girlfriend, I am genuinely here if you ever decide you need to talk.) Anyway, do we see a pattern emerging yet. "Hmmm….I wonder she says as she raises an eyebrow." Clearly these are all details I wish had been revealed much earlier in the relationship and well before we became involved. So ladies, I have a thought…Maybe we should start asking for resumes which include a police check, full medical with a list of referees to check details of previous dating behaviour prior to engaging in a relationship. (Let me know what you think.)
Therefore, I ask you ladies, "Are there really any good men out there and who is brave enough to find them knowing what we know?" At the end of the day is it really worth any of us playing our hand when we so often know how it ends, or would we be better then to hold our cards a little closer or decide to not play at all? Then again, "I ask you to consider, even though they have broken our trust, beaten our egos and shaken our faith…If we allow them to also steal our hope, then have they not won?" So do we not pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, take a deep breath knowing we are a little wiser and move bravely into a future….not defined by them, but shaped by us?
So to all my ladies out there please come with me on this journey. Lets find the answers to those nagging and awkward questions together and make our mark and who knows in our travels we just may find a man worth taking the risk with again. Please join me again every Friday for some more saucy tit-bits, shocking truths and heart-breaking revelations and the real-life support that only another woman knows how to give. Who knows we just may have something to talk about. And if by chance…there are any brave or honourable men out there willing to trade insider information, then also feel free to join us.
Until then…With Love Always Danae
Posted by Danae Thyssen at Friday, August 05, 2011