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Self Portrait: "You are my Dark Clouds" I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR! I am daughter, I am mother, I am friend, I am teacher, I am student, but still I am more. I am loyal, I am kind, I am loving, I am smart, I am funny, I am wise, I am no mans fool...so beware. I am also creative, I am a visual arts student majoring in photography and passionate about anything related to the arts, whether it be performing arts, visual arts or great literaty works. I am passionate about pursuing a cultured life with youthful enthusiasm, that can be shared with good friends and family over a nice meal with a glass of wine. And of course...I like to chat, so please join me here every week to explore lifes little mysteries together.

Thursday, 25 August 2011

Fairytales or Falsehood –25th August 2011

Welcome to another week of gripes and giggles at Talk About Town. Firstly I would like to say thanks for the fantastic response, especially to those who have taken the time to send an email or post a comment. It would seem we already have an international audience, so aside from our local readers. Big thanks to all those tuning in from Japan, Malaysia, France Germany and Italy. 

So here we are again. For those of you who don’t know me, right or wrong….I am handling this break-up very differently to any other before it. In the past I have always been of the strong belief that no matter what the circumstances, you hold your head high and walk away with absolute dignity and integrity. No angry tantrums, No fits of sobbing hysteria or declarations of vengeance and certainly no desperate clinging to a relationship that is clearly dead. Although you may discuss certain details and conduct a post-mortem on the relationship with your besties, it is not the all and end all, nor the constant or only topic that you are able to discuss. After all….if nothing else you know that you have kept your principles, been proud and honourable, even if the other party has been less scrupulous.

Since my last post I have been pondering the extreme actions of posting such scathing comments about the most recent ex in my last blog. How and why has it come to this? I am not sure whether it is the bi-product of remaining so composed after a lifetime of break-ups, or constantly stuffing down all those emotions for so many years and being in denial that they ever existed. Possibly both? However, one thing is for sure…the cat is certainly out of the bag this time and it feels liberating. I am sick and tired of being so composed, of always taking the high road, constantly turning the other cheek and I am especially fed up with always being nice…to a fault. It is exhausting. So let me just say….”Toto we are not in Kansas anymore.”

So those of you who have read my previous blog, would be aware of the scoundrel referred to as Mr Magoo and of some of his disgusting comments and antics that led to our ultimate demise. Previously I have never been one to get angry, probably even when it was warranted, but I am angry this time. It is about far more than the fact that this man has lied and cheated or spewed forth the most vile inappropriate comments. It is the deliberate malicious behaviour that has been so shockingly appalling. This man has done his best to intentionally rob me of my dignity, my self-esteem and even endeavoured to create rifts between myself and those most important to me.  However the greatest travesty is that he has stolen my faith in the goodness of people…men in particular. Tragically, I am afraid he has taken away my ability to hope, to believe in anything and certainly not the possibility of the fairytale. Although this was not always the case. 

I remember growing up; I spent a great deal of time with my grandmother who was very influential in my life. She was a wonderfully kind and generous woman who did everything she could to protect me from the ugliness and the truth that sometimes life is harsh, difficult and simply not pleasant. Even though in reality I experienced some genuine hardships in my youth and throughout my life, she was largely successful in that, even in the face of tragedy I stood proudly wearing my rose coloured glasses and maintained a slightly skewed perspective of the real world. We would spend endless hours watching all the old classic romantic films, musicals in particular. The premise was always the same….the guy invariably got his girl and he was without doubt the essence of charm and chivalry. If by some chance he did have an un-savoury moment it was fleeting and of course he would be immediately repentant and swear un-dying love, then they would all live happily ever after. Essentially the ideal of romance was romanticised beyond all limitations of reality or truth….but gee, it gave us all something lovely to believe in. As a consequence, I went beyond the realms of the usual eternal optimist, to become a pathological optimist. I spent many years chasing “The Fairytale” and waiting for prince charming to sweep me off my feet and rescue me, rather than rescuing myself. It never happened, clearly he never came and in his place I spent my days locked in an emotional dungeon fighting dragons and plagued with demons.  

Historically, many ‘fairytales’ are adult stories of folk tales based on the tragic reality of real life, which have then been idealised, romanticised and told to warn children of the hazards that exist. These stories have been deliberately laden with massive amounts of symbolism and more than a touch of the adventurous in order to help us in our innocent youth to develop an increased awareness of the world around us and our response to it, without the trauma of reality. However, over time I am sure the stories have lost a large element of the reality they initially held, along with some truths… because as we all know, in actuality they did not all have the happy ending that we have all come to expect. So do any of us actually want to know the truth of the whole story, or do we feel that we are better off embracing blind faith and believing in these elaborate fairytales? Pause…reflect…I think that many of us are unaware of the extent these fables have shaped our lives and the enormous influence they had on the developing identities of our youth. 

They say…you have to believe in love to receive love…but didn’t we believe before we had ours hearts smashed to smithereens? Is it just a matter of time before we can find the right someone to believe in? Do we just need to be patient and wait for our hearts to catch up with our heads? Or are we just deluding ourselves? Does it ever get better than this? Are there really any good men out there, or is it always just a case of smoke and mirrors? Well its not my place to answer these questions for you…I can only make inquiry and continue on my quest to seek the truth and invite you to join me.

Lets break it down shall we….in my situation, the scoundrel aka Mr Magoo does not have great wealth, nor dashing good looks, he does not ride around on a great steed, but more like an old pony that should have been put out to pasture. He certainly does not wield great power and the size of his castle (if you know what I mean) does not even rate a mention. His kingdom is in a time of great ruin, his subjects are few (zero friends) and his enemies are many. So what was the allure…? Well let me think…hang on…thinking…thinking… give me a minute…I am sure I can come up with something…oh oh I know, his court jester was somewhat amusing…other than that I got nothin’. So how is it a perfectly decent, intelligent, educated, good-looking woman like myself fell for a hobbit? I mean really…how is it I got sucked in to the whole, “take a bite of the poison apple” routine? How? Well ladies…my guess is as good as yours, but I assume I fell for the fairytale, as much as I fell for the man. After all…we all know if you kiss enough frogs, one of them is bound to turn into Prince Charming and I guess I thought Mr Magoo just may have been that prince in frogs clothing. Go figure? 

Anyway…I have personally realised something very important. I don’t need him; I don’t need any man. I can walk proudly with head held high, although with a little more attitude and maybe a tad more vocal than before, but proud just the same. The more time passes, the more I can see clearly… and as it turns out, I have recognised that even if Mr Magoo hadn’t been a lying, cheating, immoral scoundrel…we probably would not have worked. Magoo was always a bit of a lad and I don’t generally do lads…aside from the fact that, upon reflection he is not terribly smart and I am far too cultured, or educated for this Pratt. Therefore his ability to have managed to maintain my interest or affections in the long term would have been unlikely. Well you know what they say…all good things must eventually come to an end, some sooner than later. It is even possible that if we are willing to acknowledge the reality of things, we may realise some things were actually never particularly good at all, which is why you broke up in the first place. Acknowledging this reality and others is not only liberating, but can be freeing and does make it easier to let go and move on to greener pastures, or get a place with a courtyard.  Inevitably I think it is time to find our way out of the love-haze, this fairytale induced state, take off those rose-coloured-glasses and really see the truth of matters clearly. “Life is not all fluff and bubble, nor is romance all hearts and flowers.” Love…like life is hard sometimes and there is a sinister side that hides in the shadows…we do not always recognise, nor want to acknowledge it exists and try to disguise the ugliness with stories of mystery and wonderment, but who are we really cheating. 

So ladies lets face it…there is a darker side to our once loved fairytales, good does not always triumph over evil, and the tragedy is that decent people, who don’t deserve it, get hurt. However, maybe…just maybe…if we stop walking around with our eyes closed…it is possible we will stop bumping into things. Hmmm…Just a thought! We also have to realise there is not always going to be a happy ever after, especially if we are going to sit around waiting for Prince Charming to rescue us and it is more than likely he does not exist at all. Even if we give benefit-of-doubt and by chance there are some decent men out there. I can almost guarantee, that in reality they are certainly not interested in sweeping you off your feet as men are generally lazy when it comes to romance and it is usually just a means to an end…if you know what I mean. And as we have come to expect, they almost always think everything is about the size of their kingdom. 

However, I can assure you that they will depend on your kindness, your goodness, your utter dislike of possible shame and embarrassment, relying on you desire to keep yours and their secrets firmly locked behind closed doors. (Usually in an un-reachable tower guarded by dragons.) If you are too afraid or humiliated to speak the real truths, or too gracious to assassinate their characters by telling the truth, then they continue to get away with repeating the same behaviour over time and again. Well ladies…not on our watch…not any more. So I am calling all women to come together and share your stories…their stories so that they are held accountable, we become a little wiser and the next woman whose path they cross is more aware than we were of their treacherous behaviour. Don’t let them get away with this disgraceful conduct, lets make a stand and create new fairytales, stories of empowerment that we can hand down to generations of women to come. Let us become our very own best supports, our own heroes, and our own saviours. Let us stop waiting around for a man to complete us…we are already whole and more than capable of rescuing ourselves. So ladies…rather than someone else taking the rains and deciding our destination…let each of us mount our very own valiant steed and ride off into the wild blue yonder. Taking comfort in the knowledge that even when in unfamiliar territory we will be all right because now we are in charge of our own destiny.  

And remember keep reading it’s cheaper than therapy. 

Until Then, With Love Always, Danae

1 comment:

  1. I'm glad there are other such empowered women out there (ie. YOU!) who feel like this - I've wondered exactly the same thing and also wondered if perhaps the 'modern' self-empowered 'I don't need a man' attitude was the reason a lot of us can't find any good men out there? As empowering and self-fulfiling being your own woman is, sometimes it's nice to have someone to come home to and snuggle up with...Hmmm, guess we all still seem to have that 'needy' gene that gets us into these quandries :-P MUCH to talk about at our next meeting! xoxo